Connecting through Yoga

Yoga has been a passion of mine for a very long time. It all started in my teenhood with a purchase from Target. I bought a SHAPE magazine which had an article on yoga and a how-to for Salute to the Sun. After that I was hooked on this new thing they were calling yoga. I hadn't known of its existence because it wasn't something one normally did or knew about when growing up in the sticks, during the early nineties. 

I fell in love with it for a couple of reasons. I felt energized, strong, and calm in my body and mind. I didn't feel depleted or exhausted after a workout, I felt the opposite. Bending my body into poses was very cool and fun. I liked that all I needed was myself and some space on the floor. The Yoga mat and pants came later when I could afford them. I needed the books, tapes and practice first, then it was on.

When I became a mom, yoga was lost for awhile but as the kids got a bit older I found time for it again. There was guilt though, that mom guilt where you think you should be doing something else for someone else, anyone else except yourself. However, one day that guilt faded as my daughter showed up in the exercise room wearing a pair of her leggings with a tank top. She smiled at me and asked if she could do yoga too, if I would teach her. I had never thought to even try this, but I was thrilled thinking "hey this is it, I found our girl thing and I don't have to feel guilty, I'm not such a horrible mom." You see my boy Calvin has dominated much of my attention, the asthma is one huge aspect but he's also the baby, a chatterbox and wild. So, when she walked into that room all dressed in her makeshift yoga gear, I felt happy. Now we do yoga together. I can teach her how to be flexible, strong, energized and calm; not just for her body but for her mind as well. Something she can use for the rest of her life. Something I'll do right by her. 

As a parent, you're pretty much always looking at your flaws and wondering how you're damaging your child. I can't remember when I actually felt like a good mom. I often feel crummy about my mom skills because I could always do better. You get one shot with your kids, you don't get to retake the course and there are no manuals for it either. Sure people have ideas and they've written books or articles on how to raise your child but when you break it down, what works for one child may be harmful to the next. Every human being is different in some way or another. 

Our job as parents is to figure out who our child is, what they need from us and teach them in ways they'll actually learn. We have to get to know them, and complicating all this is life. Our day to day lives are filled with chaos. When I finally lay down for the night, my mind replays the day and most of it sucked. The days are consumed with the regular tasks of dishes, laundry, groceries, bills... but then it's also filled with cutting their ever growing fingernails, wiping butts, digging out a booger, bandaging a wound, changing pee sheets, cleaning the food off the floor and cursing as you step on a tiny toy soldier. How much good time do you actually get with your child every day? The answer is very little. There are small moments throughout the day I desperately grab for and try to hold onto them as long as I can. I do let the cleaning go more than I used to, because time doesn't stop and soon it's gone. I always give them an extra hug, several kisses on their soft cheeks, tell them they're my favorite people in the whole world. I tell them I love them so much that I can't even say how much it is, because it's just to much. But I still feel inadequate. 

Then I remind myself of this article a friend of mine shared on her Facebook page that brought clarity and contentment to my ever fretting mom brain. It was in the Huffington Post, called The 'Good Enough' Mother. If you're constantly feeling that inadequacy as a parent, this article will open your eyes and lift that suffocating weight off your chest. This weight I speak of, was especially heaviest for my daughter. Not only does she get put aside for her brother, she is also so much like me that we can clash and argue. Now I can breathe a sigh of relief and count on my time with her, connecting through Yoga. I've done something right, something good for her. Whatever it may be, find that connection with your child, no perfection allowed and good enough is all you have to be. A wise therapist once told me, "love them fiercely and be good enough, not perfect but good enough. 

This photo here, shows I'm doing just that. Look how happy my daughter is. These are the moments parents live for. They are few and far between but as long as there are some, then we're doing alright. We are good enough.